Posts Tagged 'relationships'

love, love and more love :D

Published April 23, 2012 enemies to intimacy , family , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , saving moses , spiritual 3 Comments
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I was talking with a friend yesterday & we were talking about our husbands & kids with their different love languages.  I found it helpful to remember to express love to others based on what is meaningful love to them and not just the kind of love that I like.  With this in mind, I decided to do a brief summary of Gary Chapman’s love languages here that you might find helpful.  We all have different ways in which we easily receive or feel that we are loved (we tend to give the kind of love that we want to receive).  With this in mind, here are the love languages that Gary presents:

  • gifts:  the person with this love language likes to receive gifts & when someone gives them something, it is super powerful & meaningful to them
  • quality time:  the person with this love language likes to be with a person they love be that in quality conversation, activities (sports, hiking, shopping), etc
  • acts of service:  the person with this love language likes to do nice things for the people they love (run errands, clean, help with their kids, get fuel, etc)
  • touch:  the person with this love language likes to touch, snuggle, hold hands, . . .
  • words of affirmation:  the person with this love language likes to give / receive encouragement, affirmation, atta boy, etc

Clearly, this is nothing more than a brief summary, but hopefully it helps us to love with greater authenticity & with less manipulation :)

Some thoughts on being popular

Published April 17, 2012 enemies to intimacy , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual 3 Comments
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Popularity is an interesting topic. We generally want people to like us & think we’re cool. We like to fit in & feel comfortable around the people with whom we interact – I think this is all pretty natural. Where we get into trouble with the popularity pursuit is when the popularity w people undercuts our popularity w God. It’s nice when our people & God popularity complement each other, but when when we have to make a choice between being popular w people or being popular w God, make the decision now to chose God.
In the long run, choosing God will always sort out with better results than trying to be popular w people :)

I’m hungry

Published January 19, 2012 Albania , Angola , Cambodia , enemies to intimacy , Ethiopia , fasting , Holy Spirit , living , missions , prayer , relationships , saving moses , spiritual 1 Comment
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The guy at Starbucks just did a good job encouraging me to buy some food to go w my coffee, telling me that the latest research proves that we need to eat 5 small meals a day for optimum health – of course my mind immediately goes to Angola with saving Moses and the hunger that I often see there.
But I think that all of us are fundamentally hungry for God. I think if we strip away all of our achievements, relationships, wealth, looks, etc, when we are just ourselves, we are designed to crave our Creator. Yes, I’m hungry but I understand that the hunger of my heart isn’t to look better, to increase my popularity, nor expand my wealth of achievements. At ground zero, we are all hungry for God & His presence in our lives. Recognizing this hunger will increase our potential to live a very fulfilling life :)

ever had any challenges with communication???

Published December 4, 2011 enemies to intimacy , family , living , relationships Leave a Comment
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 We have had access to massive communication improvements over the past few decades.  If you think about it, did you ever pull the phone cord out of the wall?  In the ’80s, a tweet  would have been “twit” mis-pronounced.  And my idea of “wifi” in the ’70s was more like “hi-fi” in our house with speakers in every room so I could play records throughout the house at maximum volume.  Communication has certainly improved, but we can all stand to make some improvements in our inter-personal communication, especially as it relates to conflict :)

Here are some tips that you might find useful in resolving conflict:

  • Understand the issue:  get on the same page about what you’re discussing because often the center of the conflict comes from not discussing the same content
  • Separate what was said from what was heard  (that’s not what I said, but that’s what was heard)
  • Consider the emotions & expectations associated w the conversation – these items can make communication hazy & ineffective if they’re not identified
  • Be patient & listen without asserting your opinion
  • Own your part of the communication challenge – blame sabotages communications & does nothing constructive
  • Be clear by removing subtleties, nuances & emotional telepathy;  these efforts will only leave you frustrated

 

ever feel impatient?

Published November 28, 2011 enemies to intimacy , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual Leave a Comment
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 Recently, I’ve been somewhat frustrated with one of my friends because they’ve made some very silly decisions that have had some fairly negative consequences.  I find myself being impatient with my friend & wanting them to change.  I’m trying to watch the words that I say to my friend, so that I don’t hurt their feelings due to my impatience.  So far, here’s my impatience insights:

  • if impatience is left unchecked, it can be very destructive
  • impatience isn’t only related to our words, but it also can affect our attitudes & actions, so that even if we don’t say anything, we must still remain vigilant against even its subtle expression
  • sometimes it helps to talk about how we feel, but its important to be responsible for our own feelings & not give someone else control of how we may feel or act
  • sometimes the best antidote to impatience is a slow, intentional & methodical application of patience
  • James 1:4 – let patience have her perfect work so that you may be mature & complete.  Give patience permission to work in your life :)

friendships & reciprocity

Published November 22, 2011 enemies to intimacy , family , Holy Spirit , living , relationships , spiritual 2 Comments
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I have some really fun friends in my life & enjoy them lots & lots! Truly, I’m thankful for the various friendships that I have in lots of different contexts. But something that’s important to me is that I want to be sure that I add value to the various relationships that I have. I don’t want them to be one-way streets, where I’m always receiving & not reciprocating.
This morning I was thinking about this idea of reciprocity as it relates to God & I was thinking about how I could be value added to God in my relationship with Him. After some reflection, it seems to me that one of the best ways that I can add value to my relationship w God is by loving others well, being concerned about what’s important to Him & by looking for ways to improve the situations that break His heart. For me, this is one of the reasons I’m so devoted to saving Moses :)

things that help relationships to grow

Published November 12, 2011 enemies to intimacy , family , living , prayer , spiritual Leave a Comment
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  Over the last few weeks, I have had some interesting conversations with various friends about different ways to improve relationships  One such way is by doing things together – so today, my husband & I are going to buy a dishwasher.  Of course we have different ways of approaching this project, but the point is that we work together to get something that will be reliable & helpful to our family for a reasonable price.  I’ll keep you posted on how this adventure turns out ,)

Some other ways to help a relationship grow include:

  • trust:  not only do we want to be able to trust the other person, but we, ourselves, must also be trustworthy
  • forgiveness – the deeper the friendship, the greater the quantity & deeper the quality of forgiveness;  shallow friendships can often reflect limited forgiveness
  • time:  listening, doing things together and other things / ways that require time
  • sacrifice:  preferring the other person’s desires & needs over our own is a good way to not only grow a relationship, but to also grow as an individual
  • communication:  honesty & diversity (through lots of different ways – written, non-verbal, dialogues, to name a few ideas)
  • affirmation:  looking for creative ways to say, “you is kind, you is wise & you is important” is always important to grow relationships
  • common purpose:  it’s important to understand that different relationships have different purposes (friendships can be for a reason, a season but only a few are for a lifetime)

Ultimately, I see my relationships as a means to express genuine love – letting God love through me.  This is the goal in which I want to always be improving.

the attraction distraction

Published August 26, 2011 enemies to intimacy , family , Holy Spirit , living , saving moses , spiritual Leave a Comment
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 The attraction distraction is a fun play on words & my mind can go all kinds of fanciful directions with these words.  Nonetheless, I’m thinking about these 2 words as they relate to people in our lives & connecting with Jesus.  If I’m gut level honest with you about myself, you’ll discover that I’m keenly passionate about knowing Christ.  For me, knowing Christ is the central “attraction” throughout my life, in all of its different contexts.  With this in mind, the relationships that go through my life (some permanent & others being more temporary) can be a distraction or an enhancement to this attraction.  Likewise, I can either distract people from Jesus or possibly make Jesus attractive by my interactions with others.

To attract or distract all depends on your goal.  What are you trying to achieve?  When you are clear about the goals in your life, then you can figure out the attraction & distraction challenges.  May God give you the wisdom & focus you need for this day :)

tips to help with forgiveness

Published August 21, 2011 enemies to intimacy , living , Lord's Prayer , spiritual Leave a Comment
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 I’m a big fan of being proficient with forgiveness – after all, we get to practice almost everyday! ,)

There are LOADS of benefits that go with maintaining a lifestyle of forgiveness, but the point for this blog is to refresh a few tips & to give you an opportunity to share some effective tips you’ve learned as well.  So here’s a quickie sarah forgiveness primer:

  • be ready to forgive more than you’re ready to take an offense – sometimes it helps to have a forgiveness mindset
  • fast forgiving is easier than elongated forgiving:  anytime I’ve nursed a hurt, the forgiving process gets quagmired & almost moribund before I know it :/
  • some people require more forgiveness than others;  some of us are proned to the foot-in-mouth syndrome so please don’t make us squirm as we try to get better
  • forgiveness is about personal liberty: for those of us who are Americans, its hard for me to understand why we are so adamant about our external freedom, but we can be virtually oblivious to our internal incarceration
  • I want to be super generous with forgiveness because Lord knows He gives me more than I can comprehend;  people who are stingy with forgiveness are usually mean & lonely :(
What are some more suggestions?

time

Published July 22, 2011 family , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , spiritual Leave a Comment
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It’s easier to make money than time – indeed, one could argue that we can’t make time.  So how we use the time that we have can be a direct reflection of our values & priorities.  We all spend time doing the normal things of life:  school / work, family interactions & investments, friendships, working out, reading, etc.  Some of the things in our life are mandatory time demands & other things are discretionary time demands.

In relation to the discretionary time demands, I’ve watched many families over the years fill up their time with sports, activities, etc & every so often, they seem a little frazzled.  Now please don’t jump to the conclusion that I’m opposed to sports, activities etc.  We have our kids in several different things over the course of a given year.  But I think we have to be careful to make decisions with our time that reflect our values & priorities.  For example, my husband & I don’t see our oldest son being an NFL recruited football player.  As such, we have him in flag football over this Summer, but its primarily for the purpose of getting him some exercise & increasing his sports exposure.  My point is that its important for each of us to use our time as a reflection of our priorities & not allow it to be frittered away into oblivion.

I want to give my time to the most important priorities in my life & may God help me to make decisions with how I use my time in ways that are pleasing to Him.

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