I haven’t met many people who enjoy being criticized. It’s not fun & can often be hurtful. But here’s some thoughts that might be helpful:
*listen & process – often times there is at least a grain of truth in some of the critical content
*forgive – criticism is usually hurtful & the most constructive way to deal with hurt is by forgiving
*grow – chose to grow & learn. Get better & not bitter
*intentions – when a person is critical of us they may have mean intentions or maybe helpful. What a person intends is not as important as what we do with the criticism 
Posts Tagged 'hurt'
Dealing with criticism
Published November 10, 2012 Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual 4 CommentsTags: criticism, grow, hurt, pain
the problem with pain
Published June 19, 2012 enemies to intimacy , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual 2 CommentsTags: healing, health, help!, hurt, pain
There are all different kinds of pain: a broken arm, a sunburn, rejection, aggressive words, neglectful behavior, perceived exclusion, disappointment, grief, . . . . . When we are in pain or have pain in our lives we don’t like it, not one bit. But in my mind, a significant challenge with pain is not that we have pain, but rather what we do with it & even how we manage it (rather than letting it manage us). Here are a few bullet thoughts that might merit some consideration:
*forgiveness can interrupt the continual cycle of pain in our relationships
*when we have pain, it’s important that we don’t perpetuate our pain by hurting others
*Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted, He is our ultimate Healer
*we must be vigilent to ensure that pain doesn’t become our identity – a painful person
*focus is an important component with pain – it seems to me that the more we focus on the hurt, the worse it gets
*on the flip side, I’ve discovered that when I keep my focus on Jesus, The Healer, the pain decreases in the light of His majesty
May we experience Jesus as our ultimate Healer for every pain in our lives
hurtful words
Published April 10, 2012 enemies to intimacy , family , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual 2 CommentsTags: bitter, forgiveness, hurt, pain, words
At various times in our lives, we are all the targets & recipient of hurtful words. In elementary school, kids can often say things without thinking of how their words can be received. Then in Jr & Sr high school, it seems like we get more sophisticated with our ability to use piercing & hurtful words. By the time we’re adults, many of us have become very proficient at integrating sarcasm with our cleverly cloaked words so that we can slice & filet someone with very crafted and deadly words.
So what do we do with hurtful words? Here are a couple of helpful thoughts: 
- forgive – whether the words were intentionally hurtful or not, forgiving must be your first & continual action
- dial down the emotions & see what could be truthful with the hurtful words
- make a constructive decision to get better & not bitter – let the hurtful words give you motivation to make some healthy changes rather than letting them fester in your emotional memory being nursed & rehearsed
- repay mean words with a smile rather than trying to craft a come back or pay back
- take the hurt to Jesus & let Him bring His healing into that pain
Pain isn’t always the main issue. But what you do with pain will determine it’s results
OUCH! rest, ice & elevation
Published February 5, 2012 enemies to intimacy , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual Leave a CommentTags: healing, heart, hurt, injury, pain, repair, restore
I recently slipped in our big snow storm and hurt my ankle and no, I’m not any good at injuries of any sort. My norm is just to ignore them & keep going – no time to be gimpy! Unfortunately, this little ankle thing isn’t responding well to being ignored.
I think the same can be true with us spiritually. Sometimes there are injuries in our hearts that require some attention. Here a few ideas that could help:
- ice: it cuts back on the swelling and the agitation; when our hearts are hurt, it’s helpful to cool down before making any decisions or having some conversations (cooling down doesn’t mean simmering to re-load ammunition or nit picking to fester the injury more)
- elevation: lifting up our hearts to the Holy Spirit gives space and opportunity for divine involvement, where there is always healing, repair and rejuvenation
- rest: sometimes we need to give our hearts a chance to recover and “breath”; heart trauma or injury often requires some time and processing to get to a place where there can be constructive progress (just be careful that rest doesn’t turn into withdrawal)
Just some helpful ideas for a hurting heart
ever been mad or disappointed w God???
Published December 28, 2011 enemies to intimacy , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , relationships , spiritual Leave a CommentTags: change, disappointed, God, grow, hurt, relationship
Now that’s a loaded question with all kinds of implications. I think that some people won’t allow themselves to be mad or disappointed with God for fear of being disrespectful. Other folk go so far as to totally alienate any contribution or participation from God in their lives because of their anger, hurt or disappointment with God. Is there a healthy middle point? Can a person be angry, frustrated, hurt, disappointed with God but still keep their relationship withHim?
If you’re in this difficult spot, it can be helpful to read Job to see how he dealt with his anger, hurt & disappointment with God. Here are a few things I’ve learned from Job when it relates to being angry or disappointed with God:
- being honest with God is a necessary ingredient for intimacy with God
- stay engaged – withdrawing or pulling away from God hurts you and is a dead end
- give God plenty of space & time to respond to you
- be willing to adjust, repent & change
- arrogance undercuts any constructive dialogue with God
Were you ever nervous about a meeting?
Published October 10, 2011 enemies to intimacy , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , spiritual 3 CommentsTags: attitudes, forgiveness, hurt, meetings, strategies
I had coffee with a friend the other day & this friend can be a little cranky from time to time & I was concerned that our coffee gathering was going to be “one of those times.” I didn’t feel like I could cancel the coffee date but I was kind of jittery about what path the conversation would take. So I thought about some different strategies I could use for this potentially volatile coffee time & here were some of my thoughts:
- I could endeavor to keep the conversation shallow & discuss the weather, sports & all things surfacy. I decided against this option because she would know that I was being disengenuous.
- I could arrive late & have to leave early before anything dicey could come up – again, that would be disengenuous
- I could just brace myself for whatever might be said & keep a tough shell so that nothing she could say would zing me. With this option, I would guard myself from being totally present in the conversation
- I could pre-forgive her – making the decision ahead of time to forgive her no matter what she might say, regardless of if she was trying to be intentionally hurtful or not. I decided for this option
So here was the outcome – our coffee time went well, we had a great conversation & there was nothing too zing-y that I had to work through & forgive. I liked the pre-forgiveness strategy so much that I decided to share it with you & use it again in other situations that have any hurtful potetial
Construction versus Destruction
Published September 11, 2011 family , living , spiritual Leave a CommentTags: 9/11, constructive, destruction, hurt, love
Today in America is a day that we remember the heroes & victims of the destruction of 9/11 ten years ago. Many of us probably have clear recollections of where we were on that day & what we were doing. Such an attack on America hadn’t happened in almost 5 decades & our lives have changed as a result of the events of 9/11.
The destruction that occurred on that day has ignited many different responses throughout our nation & the world. But here’s my challenge: destruction can only be transformed with a constructive reply. Hurting someone who has hurt you doesn’t change hurt. Insulting those who insult you doesn’t change the insults. Let’s be mindful about our responses to hurtful things – let’s be constructive & decide not to perpetuate destructive & hurtful behaviors
tips to help with forgiveness
Published August 21, 2011 enemies to intimacy , living , Lord's Prayer , spiritual Leave a CommentTags: fast forgiveness, forgiveness, freedom, hurt, people, relationships, wisdom
I’m a big fan of being proficient with forgiveness – after all, we get to practice almost everyday! ,)
There are LOADS of benefits that go with maintaining a lifestyle of forgiveness, but the point for this blog is to refresh a few tips & to give you an opportunity to share some effective tips you’ve learned as well. So here’s a quickie sarah forgiveness primer:
- be ready to forgive more than you’re ready to take an offense – sometimes it helps to have a forgiveness mindset
- fast forgiving is easier than elongated forgiving: anytime I’ve nursed a hurt, the forgiving process gets quagmired & almost moribund before I know it :/
- some people require more forgiveness than others; some of us are proned to the foot-in-mouth syndrome so please don’t make us squirm as we try to get better
- forgiveness is about personal liberty: for those of us who are Americans, its hard for me to understand why we are so adamant about our external freedom, but we can be virtually oblivious to our internal incarceration
- I want to be super generous with forgiveness because Lord knows He gives me more than I can comprehend; people who are stingy with forgiveness are usually mean & lonely
What are some more suggestions?
growing pains
Published August 13, 2011 enemies to intimacy , family , Holy Spirit , living , prayer , spiritual , Uncategorized Leave a CommentTags: choices, decisions, growing pains, growing up, help!, hurt, immaturity, maturity, mistakes, sacrificial, selfish, wisdom, work
We often associate growing pains with childhood – when our joints were sore as kids or teenagers for some unknown reason. We might have been growing too fast for our bodies to adjust without some aches & pains. I think this is also true as an adult but in different ways.
Let me give you a few examples:
- being less selfish is often a painful decision, but it is one that frequently reflects a level of growth & maturity as an adult
- being more selective about when & how we communicate shows that we are making progress from “blurting out” whatever could be flying through our mind; this is a noble goal, but it can require painful discipline to shut our mouth when we have something really “zingy” to say
- doing what’s helpful, constructive or even sacrificial when we don’t want to; I surrender “getting my way” for something I consider to be more important – for me this relates to letting Jesus use my life as a platform to express His will (hopefully, with minimal distortion)
- getting good at something I’m not good at; there are lots of schools of thought on this idea: stay in your sweet spot, do what you’re good at, maximize your talents & minimize your liabilities, etc. But in my life so far, I find that I don’t get the luxury to do only what I’m good at – I’m required to LOTS of different things, many of which I’m not good at. So here’s my choice: do the things I’m bad at with ongoing sloppiness, using the excuse that I’m just not designed that way OR do the things I’m bad at with the intent that I’m going to try to get better at them each time I have to do these things.
Maturity requires growth & growing can be painful. But I’d hate to become increasingly older & remain as immature as I am now
Lord’s Prayer & forgiveness
Published March 17, 2009 Lord's Prayer 5 CommentsTags: forgiveness, hurt, intimacy, Lord's Prayer, relationships
Everyday, we get the chance to practice forgiveness in both quantity (lots of “small things”) & quantity (some really hefty, weighty & serious interactions). Here’s the black & white truth: all relationships remain shallow without forgiveness. The deeper the relationship, often times, the greater the need for forgiveness. Forgiveness, for me, is most important because I want my relationship with God to be deep, genuine & transformational. I find that when I’m bent out of shape with someone, it affects my walk w God. Consequently, if I’m going to nurture, guard & be part of growing my walk with Him, I need to continually practice forgiving, even if the person doesn’t apologize for their actions or is unaware of how they hurt you. Forgiveness isn’t based on what the other person does or doesn’t do – it comes from your heart & most of all from receiving forgiveness from your heavenly Father so you can let it flow through you.
Something helpful I’ve found in the forgiveness adventure is to forgive quickly – the longer I wait the harder it becomes to forgive. What helps you to be forgiving???
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